Easy, Lucky, Free

You know what?

Fuck you for making me feel like shit and not even giving a fuck. 

Fuck you for being so inconsiderate and insensitive.

Fuck you for not owning up to your mistakes.

Fuck you for making me feel like it’s all my fault.

Fuck you.

Anonymous asked: Can you combine those two and make their byproduct a story ?

I’ll tell you a story.

You can decide which parts you think are true.

As a child I used to have these constant dreams of me in the snow. Sometimes I’d be having fun and sometimes I would not. There were some nights of being lost in the snow. Sometimes I’d wander through forests that would lead to unknown places. Sometimes I’d be playing games alone, yet having a blast. Sometimes it would just be snowing in a city I had never been to in my life, and I’d see myself (Yes, I dream mostly in 3rd person) walking in the snow nonchalantly. Mind you, I live in Las Vegas and snow here isn’t impossible but mostly highly improbable. Well anyway, as I was saying. I would dream of snow but even in the most terrible snow dreams, the ending was similar. I’d be approached by an elderly man. He’d be wearing white and for some reason I found comfort in him. Usually I’d walk up to him and hug him. Then I’d wake up.

These dreams stopped after I turned 8 or so. On my 9 birthday (October) my parents got divorced and I lived in an apartment with my mom. Around that time my grandfather got sick as well (My mother’s father). I had only met my grandfather once, when I was 2 and I never saw him because he lived in Mexico. In December my mom awoke with the horrible news that her father had passed away.

When my mom and her sisters (One of my aunts lived in the States and one lived in Mexico) talked a few days later they discovered that the night before they had all dreamt of snow. And all of them saw their father in their dream.

The worst part is knowing people care but still feeling so alone. I know what happiness is and what it feels like, yet I find it hard to believe it when its there. I don’t want to be here anymore on most days. I just want to get out and appreciate the world for what it is. I wish to see whats out there and feel anything but what I’m feeling right now. I’m trying to fight back but I don’t know how much longer I can stand it. I’m sorry. I’m caving.

I hate that it’s so late.
I hate that I can’t sleep.
I hate that I’m so mad.
I hate that I’m ungrateful.
I hate that I’m always so tired.
I hate that I’m so sad.
I hate that I have nothing.
I hate that I no one is here for me.

This is cliché to say

But I’m tired of pretending & wanting so hard to be happy.
I need to stop forcing it and let it happen when it happens.
Sorry, so sad.

Don’t know whether to feel disappointed or accomplished that I only text 3 people, ever.

mi amiga se quiere ir con migo fuera del estado

…

treatmelikeyourmotherr asked: I miss hanging out with you. you da best~

I do too. & Tanks~
You can hit me up whenever, gurl.